There and Back Again--A Hobbit's Tale

I have started reading in my spare time here in China—a shocking introduction, I know. I have been reading the aforementioned Deep Economy by Bill McKibben, which I can now assure you with more validity is worth your time to read and ponder. It is in fact a much smaller book than I imagined and makes a very reflective read. I don’t want to talk to much about it for fear of turning someone’s prejudices against it, but I will in short say this: I think this book is something every American should read. It tells us about our way of life, how it came to be, and where it can go. Whether or not you buy into McKibben’s greater vision of the future of the American way of life, there are certainly a multitude of points he makes along the way that I feel are seriously worth contemplating.

But the world and words in Mr. McKibben’s book mean something more to me, as it reminds me of what I have come to call a second home—Vermont. McKibben always brings his themes back to his community, the valley in which Middlebury sits. And that, I suppose, is where I am going with this.

My other reading has been J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring. I read this series for the first time in high school with the advent of the hugely successful films, and for some reason I can’t place, I decided to take it up again, something to savor on my adventure. I suppose when one is trapped in a foreign language and foreign land, they begin to find their mother-tongue particularly beautiful. Always thinking The Lord of the Rings a work exemplary of English’s beauty, I might have longed to slowly amble through the arduous terrain of its words. But really, I think I missed Hobbits and their earth-loving simplicity. I missed Vermont and friends and merry-making, which I find might share a bit in common with the Shire. These are things very far from me here in this place.

What I found upon starting the book again was something far deeper than the shallow delight in reading about hobbits in the Shire; what I found was a bit of my own adventure in theirs’. There are many themes in Frodo Baggins’ journey from the Shire on which I reflect. There is desire for adventure and what is beyond—which is found both beautiful and foul. There is homesickness and thought of return, but there is also resolution and purpose in the face of fear, uncertainty, and difficulty. It seems every page traces this struggle of exile and maturation with which the members of the Fellowship all wrestle.

And really that is what China is for me: exile. And I am nearing a year of it, for I see it first began with language school last summer. It was my first summer away from home, confined to an unwieldy and still unnatural language, almost entirely away from any close friends—either from Memphis or those I lived with at Midd. It continued into the fall semester, living on the edge of campus in the Chinese House, most friends all off on their own semesters abroad. And now here I am, half-way-ish along my road from home. It has been a difficult year, but not unrewarding, for I find that I have been forced into a long journey through a realm of self-discovery and maturation—pushing myself to new levels, pursuing and investing myself in new activities, and coming to terms with my individuality and independence.

But the road of the Ring-bearer is not a smooth one, and I’ve found that it only goes uphill or through less appealing terrain the further you go. I have wished to turn back at many points—and now more than ever. I have just committed to the farthest exile yet with my summer internship—three more months in the East, but without even classmates to share some companionship. I was afraid of getting the internship for just this reason; it would be so nice to head home in June and say goodbye to China, but I know I can’t and shouldn’t do that. I’d feel like I’d be running away—from China, from life, from growing up.

And really—I can’t run home to hide. I’ve already selected my housing for my last year at Middlebury, and as I research classes for next semester, I realize these are probably to be the last classes I will ever take at Middlebury. Somehow, it’s all almost over, and there’s no safety left there. The only way is the road ahead.